Attention Coyotes: You Suck!!

Why don't you keep that stupid howling to yourselves, really man, jeez how lame!

If my human catches you outside our window, you will know the burning sting of .177 cal lead, penetrating your ugly, moth-eaten, lame excuse for a hide, at oh... about 425 feet per second! (That's right, Wile E., I said per second!)

It won't kill you on the spot, you won't be that lucky. It'll get infected, way down deep, worsening by the day. Who do you think is going to take a mangy old coyote to the vet? Exactly: nobody will, hah!

Well... all right, there might be a few nature lovers out there -- my vet would probably at least think about trying to help a coyote with an intramuscular lead injection (he says he respects coyotes -- but he's sooooo good at what he does, we've decided to look past that little anomaly.) But anyways, that would only apply if, by some freak of chance, he happened across your dying butt... I mean, what are you gonna do, start approaching people at random with implicit trust, hoping one of them is Dr. Brad? I think not!

Point being that if my human pops a pellet or two into your sorry carcass, you are screwed -- it will not be pretty! After a few weeks of agony, you'll drop dead from blood poisoning or gangrene or something -- and THEN who'll be howling, muchacho?

That's right, man, I will, Jake the Dog, singing "Get Along You Messed-up Little Doggies" by light of the moon!

So do us all a favor: stay the hell away.